Listen..

It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

We are many.

We Are Many
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 Of the many men whom I am, whom we are,
I cannot settle on a single one.
They are lost to me under the cover of clothing
They have departed for another city.

When everything seems to be set
to show me off as a man of intelligence,
the fool I keep concealed on my person
takes over my talk and occupies my mouth.

On other occasions, I am dozing in the midst
of people of some distinction,
and when I summon my courageous self,
a coward completely unknown to me
swaddles my poor skeleton
in a thousand tiny reservations.

When a stately home bursts into flames,
instead of the fireman I summon,
an arsonist bursts on the scene,
and he is I. There is nothing I can do.
What must I do to distinguish myself?
How can I put myself together?

All the books I read
lionize dazzling hero figures,
brimming with self-assurance.
I die with envy of them;
and, in films where bullets fly on the wind,
I am left in envy of the cowboys,
left admiring even the horses.

But when I call upon my DASHING BEING,
out comes the same OLD LAZY SELF,
and so I never know just WHO I AM,
nor how many I am, nor WHO WE WILL BE BEING.
I would like to be able to touch a bell
and call up my real self, the truly me,
because if I really need my proper self,
I must not allow myself to disappear.

While I am writing, I am far away;
and when I come back, I have already left.
I should like to see if the same thing happens
to other people as it does to me,
to see if as many people are as I am,
and if they seem the same way to themselves.
When this problem has been thoroughly explored,
I am going to school myself so well in things
that, when I try to explain my problems,
I shall speak, not of self, but of geography. 

Friday, March 11, 2011

Lines I love from Jesus' Son

"Where are my women now, with their sweet wet words and ways, and the miraculous balls of hail popping in a green translucence in the yards?" "We put on our clothes, she and I, and walked out into a town flooded ankle-deep with white, buoyant stones. Birth should have been like that."
(Work)

"Sometimes what I wouldn't give to have us sitting in a bar again at 9:00 a.m. telling lies to one another, far from God."

"The virginal sadness wasn't all fake. There was a part of her she hadn't yet allowed to be born because it was too beautiful for this place, that was true."

"In the darkness under the universe it didn't matter that the driver was a blind man. He felt the future with his face."

"It wasn't my life she was after. It was more. She wanted to eat my heart and be lost in the desert with what she'd done, she wanted to fall on her knees and give birth from it, she wanted to hurt me as only a child can be hurt by its mother."

Remember.


Natty, know this here and now and always and anywhere: ever since I met you, I have been thoroughly entranced by you. You are hypnotic and gorgeous, and while this certainly rings true for every photograph of you I have ever seen, I mean it about YOU, not your physical body. You are almost overwhelmingly strong-willed and independent and fierce and formidable. I realize it's hard to see those qualities in yourself, and I have seen you falter sometimes and hide that ferocity behind self-doubt or some delusional thought that you need someone else to validate you for you to be that woman...but even at your worst, I have seen that amazing woman I first saw when I met you, pounding out and showing through the cracks in your insecurities.

You will find that woman again, Natty, because she's right there in you. Just shake off the sand and the grime and you'll find her.

I love you.

gonna try something new..

Be a new person. Class up. I want to be one of those girls that people respect and say, wow..she has her shit together. And she's sweet and nice and fun.

Bout to start making that me.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

People suck.

People are sooo disappointing! Shaina always says so but I still give them lots of time to be awesome or at least even a little amazing. Are they all destined to come back into my life two years later after I've already given up on them and pretend to be amazing again? Cause it's too late then, you know really. I need these people to stand up and be amazing NOW. You are in my life now so act like a decent person! If I know you, I probably love you. I love you. I don't turn that on and off and I'm tired of pretending like I do..like I'm some kind of jerk who has an on/off switch. I don't. I don't see how they can. And if they don't love me, and want the best for me, then why the fuck be in my life at all? To use me? Fuck off! Go use someone who has no soul, no heart. I'm too nice for this shit. There are plenty of bitches who won't care. I realize I'm nice and it's easy but what kind of person does that make you? Huh?

A fucking shithead that's what kind.

You make me want a pineapple.

Well, Mardi Gras mardi gras.

Car was towed , wallet stolen...many things happened that are better left unsaid. You make me want a pineapple though. L heart you Mardi Gras. Come back soon.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Keyboard tracker

keyboard tracker, shifty eyelid undulate inward through tapas will.
bound nets web minds untrue
the seeing eye need only roll toward you.

tomorrow is the same red/blue
aging skin holds softer sadness thorough
latent pixels tie the time to you.