List of things I'm not allowed to do.

Complain

Talk to the parents

Hug the father

Tell ...what do do

Tell..psychobable shit or psychoanalyze or help to be a better person

Watch Newsroom or that other show I like when ...is around

Say anything about driving when ..driving

(just need to write these down so I can remember how to be a good slave.)

The past/the future/the present: in no particular order

I think what generally makes us unhappy is going over our past over and over. Generally I can choose (most of the time, unless someone I love is involved) to be happy in the present, or not. The future is mostly all happy, because I can't go over it with a fine-toothed comb.

I find I alternate in my life between long stretches of reading and then long stretches of writing. Right now I'm engaged in the reading section. Everything I read leads me to something else, so I don't anticipate this ending at any time. I finished a book on near death experiences and I can't stop thinking about it. It made me believe (almost) in an afterlife.

My mom asked me the other day if I ever feel my dad's post-mortem "presence". No, but I feel Theron. A lot, sometimes more vividly than others.

I'm very scared about the next year, for numerous reasons. I will be diving head first into a career I'm about 100 percent sure I won't be satisfied with unless I get my masters. Even then I'm not 100 percent sure. I'm doing it for the money, and that scares me. It's high burn out--will I even have the energy to get my masters? I HAVE to.

Shaina is leaving for France. I won't be going to Italy, Montenegro, and Turkey till next summer. It's a long way to stay in one place.

Not sure what's going on, but I need something.