I am so pissed.

Wtf is wrong with guys. Why can't they think with their fucking brains instead of their egos and penises.

God I'm so pissed. I'm tired of my opinion having to conform to the "superior" knowledge of a man. Women ARE NOT FRAGILE CREATURES. We will fucking rob you blind when you aren't looking, seduce you when you are, and laugh about you with our friends when you are lying in the dust of our betrayal wondering what happened b/c all you can remember is that we had nice tits and ass.

I fucking hate the male sex. You guys are fucking morons. Even the best of you. Fuck you.

love her.

dreams

Matt and I were with Derek and Hollie. We had to make a last minute decision about a movie and they bought the tickets and we entered the theater. I thought they chose Avatar but instead it was some psychedelic Muppets in Space stuff. Not for kids. I asked what it was all about and Derek said it was the Muppets telling us that God loves us. The ticket man had given us these tiny dollar bill replicas..I collected them from everyone b/c I thought to make something with it later.

As we watched the film, it became interactive. One tan outdoors like suit was given to us and Derek insisted on putting it on. We were in an army like jeep and we were deep in the woods. STill going off the premise of muppets in space..we weren't sure what we would find. I mentioned that whatever we came across, we should talk first and shoot second...maybe they were friendlies...

We finally came across one. It was big and hairy and about 9 foot tall. It shot a laser at everyone and they disinegrated. I was the last one standing and I started to talk to it. It paused. I spoke in poetry, long lengthy sentences. The more poetic I was the happier it became. It took me back to it's place of origin.

There things started to get really weird. Kermit the frog was the leader..
I was on a mattress and it was supported by these moving snail like creatures. I was afraid of crushing them but they seemed happy to support me. I asked about how to get my friends back to life and these two wise ladies told me to put on some movie like glasses and transport my consciousness to find Glinda the good witch.. I put them on..nothing looked differnt. I concentrated on one spot on the floor. I asked them what was supposed to happen. They said they didn't know; I had to make it happen. So I stared and they said "now" and I saw my body collapse and Glinda's bubble was in my conscious hands. I asked her to come and she said she'd be there in two days. I returned to my body and I told the ladies what she said; they smirked and told me that Glinda doesn't always understand time like we do.

This part b/cms random. Apparently my dream decided I had another bf besides matt who had been with me from the start. He was next to me and also the beast who brought me home turned into some muscle man from Jersey Shore. I was apparently married to him now or something but he accepted my first boyfriend. I was obviously in love with the boyfriend. I asked them if there was a beach around and the muscle man said yes, I said lets go swimming. THere were tons of people at the beach. I borrowed a swimsuit and spiced it up and we took off. This is when bf became Matt b/c we saw a bunch of people from high school and they were all like...look Matt and Jenny. But he didn't look like matt. He looked kinda like Vinnie from Jersey Shore.

Anyway..we went down to the water which was brown. "Matt" commented that they were crabbin in the polluted water. I smiled at him and I woke up.

It's really weird to look at your face.

It feels like all the years between us were just moments.

I can't stop looking at it. It hasn't changed. Same smile, same eyes, same red beard.

All the emotions and feelings and thoughts and experiences and changes I was going through at that time, that crazy special golden time between childhood and adulthood come rushing back with every glimpse of your picture.

I remember the first time I really noticed you. Our eyes met and lightening struck me. Only time in my life I've ever had that happen. Once, when Theron and I were rolling, I felt that lightening again. But different circumstance and different context.

You didn't write me back. You want me to call so that you can apologize. You say you are ashamed for how you treated me, how you acted toward me so long ago. I told you all is forgiven with time.

How far have we really come since then? Time moves so fast.

quick thoughts..

1. Baby blanket with Winkin Blinkin and Nod embroidered by me.

2. So Say We All Jacket.

3. Novel idea starting from reason why I went to turkey and expanded. Fiction. End up w/ traveling show idea. Follow me around Turkey. Can incorporate Hakan and more.
Start with When I was.....this is that story.

4. Need Daily Planner.

Longest week ever....

Seriously the longest week ever. Started school this week...the university is in dire straights but I'm not going to go on about it again. Lets just say it blows.

Nice to get some kitty time. Maxie seems to be a bit pissed and standoffish..probably b/c i left him home for so long by himself (well with my parents but without me..) and probably b/c princess fluffyface is following me around like a dog. Seriously she hasn't left my room since I got back.

I needed some time to myself but I'm missing Matt and I'm excited to see him today.

Going to bed now! So glad it's friday!!