People are not good to each other. Not when they are in love, in relationships. How is it loving to put all the pressure of all of your satisfaction and happiness upon one other person and that person only? How is that love?
I used to think it was about loving more than one person..love here, cannot be contained..love there, cannot be limited...and you can still use the word love or you can use labels. I find lately I'm a lot more comfortable with labels. In my life, I need best friends. I need a friend I can laugh with, a friend who expands my mind (or more), a friend who I can party with, a friend who I can dance with, a friend who I can create with, a friend who I can explore with. Sometimes these are rolled up into more than one in one person, and that's lovely. I need a lover. I need a lover who excites me to no end. I need a husband. I need a husband who is supportive, safe, comforting, sweet and non-judgmental. I need sisters to confide in and brothers to protect me and mothers who love me when no one else does. I need all this, and so do you. Do you realize how fucked it is that we expect ONE PERSON to do all of this for us? How can one person be all of this? So you give up, you give in, you trade. You find out which label is the most important to you and you sacrifice the rest in marriage. Why?
Why not have it all? Because of jealousy? What is that??? Because you've been told that "love" is all encompassing...so you will always be disappointed. You can argue with me now and say, but my husband is all of that, my wife..she's all of that...but is that true or have you just MADE her/him all of that? Did you have a best friend that you stopped calling? Someone who made you laugh and cry. Did you have a lover that excited you to no end but you gave him/her up for monogamous love? Or if a lover is your priority in a husband/wife, did you give up someone sweet, a great provider and lovely companion?
I think it's incredibly selfish to expect one person to be all of this for you. They cannot. I can't be all of this for someone. Neither can you. It's impossible; it's a Disney dream we have been force-fed from childhood. There is no prince and you are not Cinderella. There is good news though. Ready?
The good news is that we live on this beautiful, full earth full of complex, interesting people. The good news is that there is someone, or someones out there who fulfill some of your needs. The good news is that if you have the courage, the bravery to see through the schema, you can have it all. And so can he. and she. And I think that's so much more generous than forcing someone to be your end all.
/rant
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That's why i kill rabbits because love has stricken me to no end. Die Rabbits! Die! No really i only want people to smile around me. And its not fair to put people in there different containers like rainbow color candies. despite it all i would and have tried to be many different shades for everyone t6o like.
ReplyDeleteDo you think that's what I'm doing here? Putting people in different color containers? Hmm..I know using labels isn't the best form of communication.
ReplyDeleteSee that's it..you feel like you try to be different shades for everyone to like. I feel like I am different shades and some people do try to make me one.
You know me best...do you think I can be contained? Should I be? Should I allow myself to be? Is the trade off worth it? I don't know. Should you? Don't you deserve the best of everything?
You have come a long way being who r are now, i love every inch of ur being. no one is perfect and i think we all put each other in different containers. i believe that at one time u could not be contain, but now i think you like to be stable and content. one thing i know for sure you never cease to surprise me...
ReplyDeleteI'm just wondering if stability and contentment can be found in less constricting ways. I think we may have it all wrong. <3
ReplyDeleteI think that nobody can be all that, because many of these traits are contradictory in themselves. The pressure to be with someone makes us force people to be this way or that way and we also force ourselves to be everything for others, and it all mounds up to very sad people who will never admit they are sad because this means society has failed. So to sum up I think you are a healthy person who manages to think outside the box. ;)
ReplyDeletethat is generalising and yet true.
ReplyDeletewhy do we do that? I mean, why do we need to give form to others?
Here is a perspective:
People lack self confidence. That makes them to clinch to a lover, sinking their nail into flesh of each other and never letting go.
That kind of behaviour generates feelings, untrue visions towards the other. Making them -the others- their sole friends and saviours.
I used to see the most basic kind of this delusion among girls when i was in high school (thought i still see but that's just another topic). There had always been a best friend for a girl; always changing with the seasons... It was like a slot (yes, label) for these girls. When things don't work out like you expected, you'd remove previous and replace it with another. There, in this never changing rite of BFF initiation, i used to see their looks at each other and hear them out. Eyes filled with hope and lips moving to let careful thoughts to slip. That's just like when anyone begins a relationship.
You deceive yourself by making someone like someone else. You see what you wanna see and you hear what you wanna hear. The other also helps with you in this case. Because they are trying to sell themselves to you.
Unlike in highschool girls, your relationships can not be like slots. Girls in that case have a large quantity of potential BFF's around them and it is easier to start over.
But that's not the case in romantic relationships. For a little problem or after a small argument, you just can't broke up and start over suddenly. There is too much invested in that relationship. So, instead of facing problems we, the people, start to redefine what we see. And it starts with the beginning. It doesn't need a problem to take action.
We think that the other is there for our every need and desire. This makes us to shape them in our imagination; cast them into mold of our perfect match.
Aye, there is the rub...
Expectations are like ghost ships for every relationship. When there is a storm on sea, there rises a ghost ship with its tattered sails and harrowing cannons dripping muddy water of untold depths.
That specteral apparation is the source of all evil. Captain Disagreement and his ship Expectation...
When the time comes, all of the imagination and self deception urge you to EXPECT.
Expecting the other to be the one you've always imagined as.
There may be a chance of realization of your own fault. Seeing that you've been mistaken by yourself and the person next to you is not him or her you once thought was...
But that's not the case most of the time. You expect the other to be different. More careful, more sensitive, more forgiving, funnier or stronger...
You expect him or her to be your bff, provider, spouse, brother, sister and even fuck buddy at the same time.
That kind of demand kills people, not just relationships.
People are hopeless. There is no solution. Best thing is to realize what you are doing as a couple and giving some space to each other.
No, that's not it. Best thing is to talk to the end. Talking till you feel better, bargaining for your every desire and accepting each others limits. After that, if you don't feel better, just give up. Leave the house...
ok first of all: nobody is allowed to kill any bunnies.
ReplyDeletethen, as u know, since we talked about it before i m very happy there s ppl who think the way u think. both can n emil rbquite right. dont kill ur wonderful self over idiot demands. as u read: It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
<333
@Emil..I'm glad other people are thinking this way. "it all mounds up to very sad people who will never admit they are sad because this means society has failed"
ReplyDeleteI know you are in the UK. Would you happen to know the divorce rate in the UK? Here I believe it's at something like 60 percent? Why do so many people invest in something that has a more than 50% chance of failure? Something is wrong. You know I'm studying to be a marriage and family therapist. I'm going to try to change it one piece at a time. <3
@Can...so, talk. Talk. Maybe the key is to find a partner who understands this also? That way you never trap each other, or to be realistic, trap each other less. Also, I love reading your thoughts...never too rambly, always on point my friend.
From Shaina:
ReplyDeleteTHE CRUNCH by Charles Bukowski
too much too little
too fat too thin or nobody.
laughter or tears
haters lovers
strangers with faces like the backs of thumb tacks
armies running through streets of blood waving wine bottles bayoneting and fucking virgins.
an old guy in a cheap room with a photograph of M. Monroe.
there is a loneliness in this world so great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of a clock
people so tired mutilated either by love or no love.
people just are not good to each other one on one.
the rich are not good to the rich the poor are not good to the poor.
we are afraid.
our educational system tells usthat we can all be big-ass winners
it hasn't told usabout the gutters or the suicides.
or the terror of one person aching in one place alone
untouched unspoken to
watering a plant.
people are not good to each other.people are not good to each other.people are not good to each other.
I suppose they never will be.I don't ask them to be.
but sometimes I think about it.
the beads will swing the clouds will cloud and the killer will b ehead the child like taking a bite out of an ice cream cone.
too much too little
too fat too thin or nobody
more haters than lovers.
people are not good to each other.perhaps if they were our deaths would not be so sad.
meanwhile I look at young girls stems flowers of chance.
there must be a way.
surely there must be a way that we have not yet though of.
who put this brain inside of me?
it cries it demands it says that there is a chance.
it will not say"no."
@amanda..I love you. I love all of you.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how to comment on this subject matter. Nevertheless, I'll try to respond appropriately and intellectually. I'm not a smart man, but I work very hard at not being stupid. Having said that, I've failed miserably at love. That has made me a very jaded man; a jilted lover, if you will.
ReplyDeleteI do, however, still actually believe in love. Everyone tends to have their own opinions, viewpoints and definitions of the word "love." I love to read the dictionary. I always carry a handy one w/ me. Any dictionary will define love as: "a strong, passionate affection for someone or something." Plain and simple, right?
Aha, but love is anything but simplicity. As a matter of fact, love is the furthest thing from simple. Love is hard work. Love is patience. Love is trust. Love is respect. Love is a mystery. Love hurts. Love is painful. Love trumps hatred.
I can't give you a clear, cut definition of the word "love" because like faith, it can't be fully explained. I do know one thing though. Just like justice, love is worth fighting for. And if you're lucky enough to attain both, hold on to them for dear life.
More than anything else though, before you love someone or something else unconditionally, you must be able to love yourself. Loving oneself or accepting yourself means being able to handle the complexities of love.
Love always, Smiley :-)
Ah, Carlos..I agree love is worth fighting for. I think the distinction I'm trying to make is that we are capable of loving many people in many different ways, and in fact need to have that love with different people. One person can't satisfy all of your needs...would you agree or disagree?
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree. One person can not and should not fulfill or satisfy all of our needs. That is preposterous and ridiculous, in my own humble opinion.
ReplyDeleteI believe that's why we should surround ourselves with quality people that provide us with the wholesome, healthy relationships we need to foster a good life.
Love, however, is like walking a tightrope. If you lean toward one side too much, you'll fall and no one will be there to catch you. Being smart about who we love and how we love him/her allows us that safety net ... in case of protection.
-Smiley :-)
I didn't write it but I damn sure wish I would have.
ReplyDelete