Handwritten

Handwritten

I'm not that girl anymore

The one who trusts unconditionally,

who loves unrealistically

who believes in magic.

The beauty of handwritten letters

is not lost on me.

You even chose pencil

pen would be too harsh

pen would damage the paper

bleed onto your words

and you know that I'd notice.

I'm old now though

I'm old.

I'm ancient.

I'm filled with neither regret nor remorse

but something else

something smoother

medium weight and still

something made of old bones

that doesn't support wishes.

I wish I was that girl

so I could believe in you

So I could turn my face

when they look my way

and say, "that's not your life"

"that's not the life you want."

and I'd put my hands on my ears

and run away, to you.