It's been awhile.

I feel like I should post about Matt but this relationship is so perfect..I don't feel like there is a lot of drama to share.

I just love him.

I cried this weekend b/c of a gift he gave me I wasn't expecting. I'm so used to being the giver...I'm not sure how to act when I receive.

He's amazing. I hate it when the weekend ends and he has to leave and go back to Houma, or I have to go back to New Orleans. I imagine we will be living together before 2009 is out.

I've been gone for almost a WEEk.

I was hiding in Houma for almost a week at Matt's being spoiled to death.

But now I'm back in New Orleans and thank goodness I came back last night because Houston's called this morning and I have to go in today because I'm HIRED.

I'm so psyched..ok it's just a silly waitressing job BUT..they make bank.

I was going to move to Houma but now I guess I'll stay here afterall.


Happy day...b/c I'm really broke lol.

third interview tomorrow!!

I love taking those job personality tests.

They are so easy to lie on..."Are you the type of person who likes to keep busy or likes to rest?

Duh.

Dreams and such

Last night I had a dream this creepy boy was trying to have sex with my cat. Then I realized it wasn't my cat, but I couldn't find my cat and there were all these orange tabbys...I was trying to find Max and it was hard. Eventually I found him though.

I have a second interview today for a job...don't really want it but who knows..maybe it will be cool in the end. I know the people who work there make about 1000 a week..so..I mean it would be nice to have money and save for a better car.

Things are going great with Matt. I'm really happy with him. Maybe because we've known each other so long or whatnot but everything comes easily with him.

Guy is going through an even rougher time than me..I've been trying to be there for him as much as possible b/c I know he doesn't have a lot of people here who he can turn to..and of course I care about him. He quit his job but he's getting a few piano students here and there..which is much better for him.

VEry very busy these days..today i have my second interview then matt is coming over..then tomorrow I have to go to UNO for a deferment on my tuition...then see if I can even get into school this semester..Honestly I won't be upset if I don't..I want to work for a few months and save money for a car.

My back is killing me!!!

And I just switched to linux..which is NOT compatable with my phone picture program so I guess that means that I'll be posting less pictures :(
I think I'll get a digital camera when I get my school money in.

School is about to start...It amazed me how quickly the summer went by..and what a summer whew.
I still have 4 exams to take from last semester :/

This summer was a joke. Really. Everything that happened was straight from a dream...which was sometimes a nightmare.

I'm still living the repercussions of that nightmare. N I didn't even get to go to the beach ONCE.
I'm still feeling groggy and out of it; I think part of that is my messed up sleep schedule however so I will be rectifying that situation as soon as possible. It includes a fast 12-16 hours before my targeted time to wake up, then resetting my cycle through food.

I'm not really sure what's going on with Guy. We are definitely friends..which is nice..I just don't know what else is going on. ..I can never tell with him. He has these plans and structures in his mind...I know what he wants and hopes for but I can't understand how it could come to pass by indifference towards us at this point.

Anyway, it's nice just to have him in my life. The neighbors are moving out and are going to rent their house (it's broken into two "apartments" like ours) and I'm thinking about renting one with Guy. I don't know how that would work out..I'm not sure if I could handle seeing him with girls..and obviously Matt would be around..and I try to put myself in his shoes..and think what it would be like if my boyfriend lived with his wife that he was separated from, how would I feel? Probably uncomfortable. So, I don't know. I know that he has to move out of his apartment with that dude soon..He's welcome to come here. I guess right now, to me, he feels something more of a best friend/brother, which, whatever, might be what a husband is for all I know.

He's family. That's the bottom line, and family always comes first.

I had the most beautiful dream last night:

I was on a peninsula of sorts...3 sides surrounded by ocean. Some parts were freezing and a half a mile down there would be people sunbathing and splashing about in the water. I rode my around the one road that circled the island near the water. I saw lots of different types of people...some were working in their gardens, some on their cars, some were wearing large hats and yellow bikinis and were obviously tennis moms/debutantes. Different houses, also. I've dreamt of this place before but last time I only saw the right side of it..and it was a bit dark in that dream..night time and I found a house with 7 floors, the middle one being made of lava..ancient elevators...anyway this time it was more like a watercolor. I remember wishing I could show it to Matt...wanting to show him there is a place to live where life could be beautiful and happy.

Then the dream shifted a bit and I had parked my car and taken my bike out..it was total country...long windy roads with no one there..Then these giant hedges started to appear..like in a secret garden...with flowers forming a closed overhang and pathway through the forest..it was so beautiful..but I do remember being afraid of getting lost..not knowing which way was north or south..or where I left my car. Then Chris Landry showed up, looking for his step mother's house, and I hid behind a bush and called out his name. He looked different..like I hadn't seen him in a long time.
The whole part of that dream was very surreal and well, dreamlike.

Then I woke up to Guy..banging on my door...I thought it was John for a minute and I panicked a bit.

I'm in operation avoid John atm. For obvious reasons.

Today just went to Cox Cable to get the box for my mom..she finally bitched enough at me about the channel availability..even though I told her she can watch everything her heart desires online..I suppose it's not the same. Guy came with me..then we ordered pizza..and I did my fafsa and he left. Glad I finally go that done..school starts in a week. Supposedly it only takes 4 days to process..I sure hope so b/c I was supposed to do it in January :/

Total slacking.

So Matt's really funny...I told him to make blueberry eggs last night and he did. He's also on a no carb all saturated fat diet..I don't know lol..he says he's already lost 2% body fat since starting it. He actually ate a bar of butter for dinner, with some carrots and a beef/tomato drink.

I have to laugh..because anyone else and it would be a joke..but he has no shame..the boy has no shame. Which makes me laugh so much...I mean wtf.

Next he says are horse steroids and some kind of appetite suppressant..this is what happens when you are a scientist at heart and bored. You end up experimenting on yourself.

I told him no way I'm coming around him for Roid week. crazy boy.

mmmm

Shrimp Jenny..named after me...so yummy. like a gumbo but with a white sauce..currently on my 4th bowl.

apparently i went through a pack of ciggs tonight. i was supposed to quit...fail.

i went to Fat Harry's to hang out with Keith Ferguson. He's famous you know. HE laughs when i say that. whatever his band signed with warner brothers and opened for REM. I met the cutest boy tonight at Jake and Snake's...Jed. Then he left. I wish Matt was here..

so.

Now, I have a new boyfriend. And I like him a lot. He's really quite amazing.

He does have this thing about human touch. As in he doesn't like it so much..it activates his fight or flight senses in his brain. I did some research, it's called SPD..or Sensory Perception Disorder..meaning that sometimes certain senses, for him, touch, don't completely cycle through the correct response in the brain to get to a non threatening and pleasurable input state. They get train-wrecked at fight or flight.

I find this totally interesting..and I'm very ok with it..mostly because I don't want to move very fast anyway and my attraction to him, while physical (he's very attractive) is mostly intellectual and emotional. We've known each other a long time....no need to play games or hide anything...we are pretty direct with each other. It's really nice when you reconnect with old friends; things are truly different in comparison to the effort you show and the masks you put on and the sensing and judging you have to do when you are with someone you've just met.

So the initial "I like you, Matt" thing was funny...we were sitting by the river and his body language was toward me..he even had his arm across the back of my bench, but he like never made a move lol.(Because of the touch thing I'm guessing). We started holding hands somehow..I think I grabbed his hand ...actually...I don't want to share this. It's too precious. I think I'll keep it for myself and him.

August 8th 2009. I have a feeling this is something special.

IN other news..Roller Derby..I tried out..I was like a fish out of water though on those skates..it's been 10 years..but Swerve assures me that all the girls are like that when they first start. I watched a fake bout...zomg so fun..and they look so great...lots of falling though lol but also lots of gear to protect you so I imagine falling isn't so scary with all that on.

I'm going to try to join them.
Swerve says I'm in if I want in.

I have a million things to do today..I should get on it.