Friends.

I am in a MUCH healthier place now. I'm not seeking attention from anyone anymore. I'm comfortable with myself as a person; I have specific goals I want to reach, and I'm realizing who I care about, and why. Friendship is mucho importante to me at the moment..I'm also realizing that I'd be totally ok being a cat lady for the rest of my life and living with Emily in a cat haven :D

People are so beautiful. I've been blessed to have some of the most amazing people in my life...how could one girl get so lucky in the friend department? For every time I choose myself over one of them, I'm sorry. It was a hard lesson and it won't happen again. Chalk it up to immaturity. I've finally realized that this actual world is just as worth living in as the one I tried to create in my mind.

That's healthy. That's where I need and want to be. That's where I find myself, finally, after 28 years.

I'm also realizing that the real part of being healthy in life is loving yourself and being comfortable with yourself, being a friend and someone you can admire. Being someone you are proud to be. That's what I'm doing now. It's hard..you have to be brutally honest with yourself and the people around you. But you never have to be cruel. Only honest.

I'm also realizing that another main part of being healthy is learning to accept what life gives you, the good and the bad. No one lives in a world where everything is 100 percent happy all the time. I can't believe I believed that was possible for me.
I tried everything to create that..all the while ignoring who I was..while I was screaming to myself to just focus on me for awhile. Is this what it means to grow up? Possibly part of the process..I'm glad I'm realizing it now..although I hurt some people along the way, mostly myself.

I'm happy with the every day things now...going out to dinner with friends...watching John grow a mustache..looking for alligators in the bayou with Kylie..redeveloping lost friendships with people I never should have taken for granted.

Doing my schoolwork; loving my family; hanging out with my husband; these are things I'm happy with.

I'm doing good.