He doesn't care about me. I'm not even sure if he ever loved me. I know he thought he did.
It's ok. I'm glad. It's better to have a bubble burst and be angry than to be suicidal thinking you lost your greatest love.
And I did. What's true in our minds, is true, if only to us. I loved him like he was my greatest love. I would have continued to love him that way. But he wasn't deserving of that love. He was..he's not now. Anyone who could hurt me this much isn't who I thought they were. He hurt me so badly, I considered ending my life. But then I realized I'm mourning the loss of the love I felt for him and I thought he felt for me; I'm not mourning who he is really.
And that wisdom gives me the freedom to move on.
His life is not going to work out with his wife.
But that's not my concern anymore.
I deserve much much better than what he did to me.
I can't possibly love who he really is. If he was who I love..the person deserving of this love, he wouldn't have done this.
So, I'm moving on. Tomorrow will hurt, again, but I think I have the strength and wisdom now to see that not everyone loves like me. I love too hard. One day, I'll meet someone who deserves every bit of that happiness, every bit of that love, and returns it without hurting me. I thought this was Mike, but I was wrong.
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oh dear but i know what u mean if u love someone cos of the way he was but then is no longer. so yes u should move on. u can do better.
ReplyDelete(n ofc i also have to add that when u cant work it out with ur wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend once it s very stupid to think u ll work it out afterwards somehow. ppl upset me thinking this. it never ever works. duh.)
I know it never works..it's my only comfort in this time that they will blow up like fuckin bombs eventually. I just feel sorry for the kids.
ReplyDeleteWould've been smarter to have got it over with now. Maybe two years from now will be a better time, when he's out of the military.
This is so fucking lame.