We were looking at wedding dresses together. I tried to find the one I had based mine off when it was getting made in Turkey for Tolga and my wedding, but its been taken down.
I did find this though, and it reminded me of my dream.
I always wanted to get married on a beach in Utilla. Utilla is an island off the coast of Honduras. My family is from there. It's one of the top diving spots in the world. I've read a lot about it and seen pictures; one thing that warms my heart is that the whole island comes out for birthdays and weddings, things like that, and celebrates together. I'm related to probably half of them.
I thought it would be nice to get married at sunset, with torches going into the water.
I'd like to wear something quite like the dress I showed above, something flowy and lovely that moves like the water. I wanted to stand in the water, with my fiance and the person marrying us, while my family and closest friends stood on the beach, the lights over the reception area dimmed, all the seafood delights and the reggae band waiting till we exchanged our vows.
This hasn't happened. I think though that I'm going to have to start demanding that things happen in my life the way I want them too. Too much giving to others to make their dreams come true. I truly enjoy making them happy, but I've noticed most of my dreams are put on hold.
I'm having a rough time today. Every day. I'm not sure when it will get better, if ever. I think I'll have this pain in my soul (it's a soul pain, not a heart one) for a long time to come. But that's ok. It reminds me of what I really truly desire and deserve.
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